What no one told you about having babies
- When one sleeps the other not only doesn’t, but won’t let you do anything but hold her.
- Sleeping is a luxury, not for the first few months, but for the next 18 years.
- You stop wondering why people bring sticky children to the store – it happened with the bribe in the car on the way to the store!
- Headaches and heartaches are the least of your worries – backaches from lifting, lugging and carrying them and their stuff keeps chiropractors in business!
- A night relaxing means laying on the floor being used as a punching bag.
- Toddlers can eat as much as an adult when they’re hungry.
- Unwanted advice people warn you about comes from the people who warned you in the first place.
- Your mother starts sounding like your grandmother. And your grandmother starts sounding sane.
- You wonder why sex sounded fun in the first place.
- You need a high capacity washer and dryer even though the clothes are tiny – it’s your clothes that you need it for!!
- Nothing is ever clean again. Cause even when you clean it, it gets dirty within minutes.
- You get no sympathy for your pain, just laughter.
- Your relationship with your mother-in-law becomes a finite love or hate.
- Strangers have opinions about your children, even with just a glance.
- Other people’s children do not become more easy to deal with, you just can’t pay as much attention because yours has become one of them!
- Bath time is fraught with danger – not the drowning kind, the poopy kind.
- Rubbing Bengay on each other is foreplay.
- You learn why your mom can clean everything and anything. And how to get her to do it for you.
- A child free shower can be the highlight of your day.
- Drinking heavily is on your list of to-do’s since a glass of wine has less calories that the gallon of ice cream you need to sooth your nerves.