I am beginning to feel like SISYPHUS in my quest to get my daughter speech help. It seems like every time we get close, everything comes tumbling down. We are approaching the top of the hill again and I am waiting to fall, once again. It really is the most horrible feeling.
Part of me feels like I failed her as a mom. If she were my only child it might be different, there would be no comparison. But she’s not and her sister is loquacious. I feel guilty for enjoying Catie’s speech, although I do relish naptime when Charlee and I can play quietly, communicating in our own way.
More and more I feel like I need to translate for her. I understand her gestures the best, and interepret her body language. More and more she is frustrated she can not get her point across herself.
I am in awe of other children her age who’s speech has come so easily and am terrified how Charlee will feel as her little sister begins to talk better than she does. While I understand Charlee is gifted in other ways, it won’t stop her own internal comparison and my heart breaks for her.
I am most greatful for her friend Peyton, who allows Charlee to be herself and loves her for it. When Charlee is with Peyton she is not judged, not looked down upon, never ignored. Their embrace when they meet would tickle the hardest man, it is in silence they great each other. My daughter glows for days after her company. I wish there were more children in the world like Peyton that I could surround Charlotte with.
The best I can do is tell her everyday that I love her and fight my hardest for her. Hopefully what I can do will be enough.